13 “Polite” Ways You’re Talking About Weight That Are Highly Disrespectful
Weight is a sensitive subject, so even if you have the best intentions, you might end up sounding disrespectful. Yet, acting as if the topic doesn’t exist is not the solution. What makes weight, a physical trait, so tricky to discuss is that it affects one’s mental health, sense of self-worth, and self-esteem. Here are polite things you should avoid telling someone regarding their weight.
“You don’t need to lose weight”
Unless a friend specifically asked you whether you think they should go on a diet, leave it up for a person to decide for themselves. It might sound like a compliment, but telling someone they don’t need to lose weight implies several things, including they might not be strong enough to keep up with a diet or that they are doing something wrong, like starving themselves.
“You must be happy to have lost weight”
Happiness is not measured, especially not by someone’s size. You don’t know why the person chose to lose weight. Was it a doctor’s order, hormonal changes, or a need to size down? This statement implies that slimmer means happier, so if the person’s weight increases, they should immediately feel unhappy. Instead, try stating, “You look happy,” or “You look healthy.”
“Try eating less”
If a person is struggling with weight, you might think that telling them to eat less is a good idea. However, there’s nothing helpful in this over-the-top obvious statement. People are struggling, and the road to losing (or gaining) weight can be exhausting, based on your overall health, genetics, and lifestyle. Try with some empathy and tell them you hear them, but don’t simplify anyone’s struggles.
Sharing unsolicited advice
You think you’re trying to be helpful by saying you stopped eating this, and the weight just dropped. However, people’s bodies are different, so what works for one person doesn’t work for another. Once again, waiting for someone to ask is better than offering what worked for you. Sharing is caring, but letting someone approach you regarding specific subjects is better.
Trying to find a silver lining
Most people either eat too much or not at all if they are going through something traumatic, like a divorce, loss of a job, or grief. Trying to find a silver lining for a person whose weight changed due to unfortunate circumstances only reminds them of what they went through. While it might be a positive in the sea of negatives, the person does not want their body image to be linked to trauma.
Being the wrong kind of support
Perhaps you think your loved one needs encouragement. You might say something like, “A moment on the lips forever on the hips.” Or you may touch their belly and make a cute joke about it. None of this is helpful. If you want to be someone’s support, show empathy and talk to them, but don’t remind them of their shortcomings.
Using body positivity to mock thin people
If you have an obese friend, mocking thin people will not help them. Saying that guys like “big this or that” will not improve anyone’s self-confidence, and worse, people are not losing weight to be admired. Life is not a rom-com, and losing weight is a personal goal or a necessity. Body positivity was not made to put thin people down, nor should it reflect someone’s attractiveness. It is about loving your body, even when it is not in the best shape.
“Don’t get too thin”
While expressing your worries, you might sound like you’re missing a compassion chip. If you believe your loved one is having an unhealthy relationship with food, there is a way to approach it. Eating disorders are common, but you should not start from there. Ask them how they feel, and confess that you are concerned, but with compassion and support. Saying, “Don’t get too thin,” sounds like a threat, not a concern.
Complimenting new moms
New moms are self-conscious and need and deserve a little more love. However, try to be more assertive instead of focusing on their appearance and reminding them how their bodies changed. You could praise their skills as a new mom or skip the motherhood talk altogether. Despite being new moms, some women crave adult conversations, and here is your chance to show support and love.
“It’s not like you’re obese”
People have various reasons to want to lose weight, and even if they never thought they were obese, this backhanded compliment will make them wonder. Obesity is a disease that is directly connected to heart issues, blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes, so it is not a joking matter. If you want to say that your friend looks fine, you can remind them to love their bodies, and the rest is up to them.
“Have you tried X diet?”
One of the most common ways to trigger a person struggling with weight loss (or gain) is to ask them whether they tried the latest diet fad. It is about preferences. You can’t tell a vegan to go on Keto, and you can’t assume that one specific diet will work for them just because it worked for a friend of a friend. It is okay to have these conversations if the other person started them or you’re thinking about a particular diet. Otherwise, you are only giving unsolicited advice.
“One bite won’t hurt”
For many people, food is the language of love. That’s why they are keen on feeding their loved ones, but a simple “No thank you should be enough.” For a person on a diet, that one bite may imply they should drop their efforts and self-control. Additionally, someone might not even be on a diet. Perhaps they are full, or they are not eating mushrooms. There is no reason to be pushy; regardless of that bite, the person appreciates the effort.
Think before you speak
Almost all of our problems come from our heads, so if we took more time to appreciate each other’s minds, it would make the world happier. While weight conversations are unavoidable, even if you want to express concerns kindly, do it in privacy and choose your timing.
Two-way street
When discussing weight, it should be a conversation that includes at least two people. You should not lecture someone or push conversation on them if they are not ready or do not feel like discussing the topic. Our world already talks about weight way too much while neglecting that people already feel disconnected, so other topics would be more welcomed unless someone is having issues.
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