15 ‘Polite’ Things Parents Do That Teachers Secretly Dislike (and What to Do Instead)

With all your good intentions as a parent, there might be some things you’re doing that your child’s teacher secretly dislikes. Those ‘polite’ habits can actually backfire, so it’s better to replace them with ones that get a thumbs-up from the teacher.

Disciplining Your Kid for Them

Supporting your child’s discipline is important, but creating punishments for teachers to enforce can be problematic. 

For example, if a parent suggests their child help clean the classroom as a consequence for misbehavior, it can impose on the teacher’s time and add to their workload.

What to Do Instead 

Work collaboratively with teachers and administrators to find appropriate consequences for school-related issues. 

Reserve additional punishments, like chores, for home where you can oversee them yourself. Supporting the teacher’s decisions helps maintain a positive relationship and effective discipline.

Trying to Be their Friends (or Lovers)

Some parents try to form overly personal relationships with their child’s teacher, which can cross professional boundaries and create awkward situations. 

Asking to hang out, inviting them home for dinner too often, or bringing personal gifts, all these actions can backfire.

What to Do Instead

Maintain a professional relationship with your child’s teacher. 

If there’s a serious issue where the community can help, coordinate through the school administration. If you’re interested in dating the teacher, wait until your child is no longer their student and there’s no future conflict.

Emailing About Your Child’s Missing Assignments

You might think it’s helpful to handle communication with your child’s teacher about missing assignments, especially if you feel you’re better at it and it keeps you informed. However, this well-meaning habit can backfire, particularly for kids older than 12. 

Teachers often emphasize that taking responsibility for their work is a vital skill for students. Emails about missing work, extra credit, or deadlines from parents can hinder this learning process. By middle school, kids should be encouraged to handle these communications themselves.

What to Do Instead 

Encourage your child to discuss assignment issues directly with their teacher. 

If they seem too shy or overwhelmed, guide them on how to approach the teacher and manage their time effectively. These are important life skills they’ll need as adults.

Laughing Off Bad Behavior

When parents laugh off or downplay their child’s bad behavior but get outraged when another child does the same to theirs, that’s a big no-no!

For example, a boy might hit, bite, kick, and throw things at other kids, requiring a Behavior Support Plan. If parents refuse to acknowledge the severity of the issue because they’re shy or think it’s more polite to cover it in front of the teacher, it becomes problematic. 

What to Do Instead 

Take your child’s behavior seriously and work with teachers to address issues. Consistency in handling discipline is key to teaching children responsibility and empathy.

Giving Elaborate Holiday Gifts

Pooling money for a class gift can seem like a great idea, but it’s essential to ensure the gift is something the teacher will actually use. 

Gifts like a wine bottle for a non-drinker or camping gear for someone who doesn’t enjoy the outdoors can miss the mark.

What to Do Instead 

Stick to practical gifts or ask the teacher what they need. 

Cash or gift cards for versatile stores like Amazon or Walmart are often appreciated. Always check school policies on gift-giving first.

Sharing Way Too Much Personal Information

Parents often feel the need to connect with their child’s teacher by sharing extensive personal information about their family. While a little background can be helpful, oversharing can become uncomfortable and unprofessional. 

Teachers appreciate knowing important details relevant to a child’s learning and well-being but not the full family history or intimate details.

What to Do Instead 

Share only the information that directly impacts your child’s education and well-being. Keep communications focused on your child’s progress and any relevant concerns. 

This helps maintain a professional and respectful relationship with the teacher.

Texting Your Kid During Class

While it’s natural to want to check in with your child, texting them during class can be more distracting than helpful. 

Even well-meaning messages can disrupt their focus and learning process.

What to Do Instead 

Encourage your child to follow school rules about cell phones and avoid texting during school hours unless it’s an emergency. 

If your child has special needs, discuss the best approach with the teacher. Otherwise, allow them to manage their responsibilities independently.

Feeling “Shy” to Speak Directly to the Teacher

Instead of grading papers after school, a teacher is summoned to the principal’s office, only to realize it’s because a parent bypassed you and went straight to your boss with a classroom issue. 

This approach can be frustrating and counterproductive.

What to Do Instead 

Communicate directly with the teacher first if you have concerns. 

Most issues can be resolved through a conversation, and it fosters a better relationship between parents and teachers.

Gifting “Teacher Awards”

While recognizing a teacher’s hard work is always appreciated, the form of the “award” matters. “Best teacher” mugs, trophies, and paperweights are sweet but not very practical. The first one might be cute, but after a few, they become more clutter than thoughtful gifts.

What to Do Instead 

Skip the typical “teacher” sayings and encourage your child to share something personal they like about the teacher. Handwritten notes or cards from parents and students are cherished. 

You can also send an email to school administrators to highlight the teacher’s efforts, which can influence promotions and other benefits.

Signing Up for All Volunteer Activities

Teachers appreciate parents who volunteer, but you don’t need to do everything. 

Over-volunteering can come across as domineering, and your constant presence might prevent your child from gaining independence.

What to Do Instead

Ask your kid which activities they’d most like you to attend and volunteer for those. 

Alternatively, ask the teacher where your help is most needed, ensuring other parents also get a chance to volunteer.

Fighting Your Child’s Battles

When students don’t address issues directly and their parents fight their battles for them, it hinders the development of essential life skills. Young adults need to learn how to handle disagreements and confrontations productively. 

While it might be challenging to question someone in authority (like discussing a grade) this is a vital skill. Parents can’t step in to dispute a performance review when their child is an adult.

What to Do Instead

Encourage your child to address issues with teachers directly. 

Guide them on how to approach these conversations positively. This will help them build confidence and problem-solving skills essential for adulthood.

Not Replying to Emails

Teachers often send comprehensive emails to parents about weekly plans, homework, and projects. It’s disheartening when no one replies, even though parents appreciate the communication.

What to Do Instead

Don’t hesitate to send a thank-you or acknowledgment—it shows that you’re engaged and appreciate the effort. 

While email preferences vary, most teachers welcome positive feedback.

Setting Up Extra Programs Without Follow-Through

Parents sometimes start new programs like a class garden without maintaining them, leaving the teacher to handle the additional work.

What to Do Instead

Offer to support existing programs or ones the teacher wants to initiate. 

Commit to a specific timeframe and follow through. If you can’t manage it alone, organize a schedule with other parents to share the workload.

Signing Up for the Last Parent-Teacher Conference Slot

Some parents try to be considerate by signing up for the last slot during parent-teacher conferences, thinking it allows for a longer conversation without keeping others waiting. 

However, this can be exhausting for teachers who need to give every parent equal time. Taking multiple slots or aiming for extended discussions can lead to unfair situations for other parents and tired teachers.

What to Do Instead 

Stick to your assigned time slot and respect the schedule. 

If you need more time, arrange a separate meeting or send a detailed email. Keeping things concise during conferences ensures fairness for all.

Sending In Boxes of Sweets 

While sending sweets to teachers might seem like a thoughtful gesture, it can become an unhealthy and distracting habit. 

With many students, classrooms can end up with a constant supply of treats, which isn’t ideal for teachers or kids.

What to Do Instead 

Instead of food, consider leaving any treats in the teacher’s break room, or better yet, send a personal thank-you note. 

Teachers appreciate heartfelt messages from parents and students more than any gift.

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