16 “Polite” Habits Dinner-Party Hosts Secretly Dislike
Unless you want to be remembered as the guest who lacked manners, skip these ‘polite’ habits that dinner party hosts secretly dislike and replace them with proper manners.
Taking Too Little Food
Whether you’re shy or just on a diet, taking too little food can come across as rude.
Hosts put a lot of effort into preparing a variety of dishes, and small portions might make it seem like you didn’t enjoy the meal. Complimenting the host can help convey your appreciation even if you eat lightly.
What to Do Instead
Take moderate portions and make sure to express your enjoyment of the food.
When it comes to dessert, always try at least a bite. Even if you’re on a diet, sampling the dessert shows your appreciation for the host’s effort and avoids hurt feelings.
Bringing a Homemade Dish
Bringing a homemade dish to a dinner party without prior discussion can cause awkwardness. The host may have a carefully planned menu and accommodating an unexpected dish can be challenging.
What to Do Instead
If you want to bring food, choose something that doesn’t need to be served immediately, like chocolates. If you have a special dish in mind, discuss it with your host ahead of time to ensure it fits into their plans.
Arriving Too Early
Showing up early to a dinner party can be just as disruptive as arriving late. While you might think an early arrival shows enthusiasm or offers a chance to help, it often catches your host in the middle of final preparations.
They might be making the final touches on food, setting out flowers, lighting candles, or making sure everything is perfect for when guests arrive. An early guest can interrupt this process, causing unnecessary stress.
What to Do Instead
Aim to arrive on time, or fashionably late by about 10-15 minutes. This gives your host the space to finish their preparations without feeling rushed or interrupted.
Staying Way Too Late
Lingering after the party ends might seem like a good way to catch up, but it can exhaust your host who has had a long day of preparations.
What to Do Instead
Take the serving of coffee as a sign that the party is winding down.
Use this time to wrap up your conversations and say your goodbyes, respecting your host’s time and energy.
Insisting on Helping Hosts
It’s common courtesy to offer help at a dinner party, but many hosts actually prefer if you just relax and enjoy yourself.
Constantly insisting on helping can become a major annoyance for hosts who have their own systems and routines. They often have specific tasks they prefer to handle themselves.
What to Do Instead
Offer to help once, but if your host declines, respect their wishes and enjoy the party. You’ll be appreciated more for simply being a respectful guest.
Not Offering to Help At All
While some hosts like to do everything themselves, not offering to help at all can come off as rude. Even if your previous offers have been turned down, it’s still polite to ask if you can assist in any way.
What to Do Instead
Always make a polite offer to help. If the host declines, you can relax knowing you’ve shown good manners.
Awkwardly Waiting to Go Through the Line
When your host announces that it’s time to eat, hesitating to be the first in line can create an awkward pause.
Even if it feels uncomfortable to be the first to fill your plate, stepping up helps get things moving smoothly and shows respect for the host’s timing.
What to Do Instead
If you’re closest to the buffet and the host signals it’s time to start, go ahead and lead the way. This simple action helps keep the event flowing and shows appreciation for the host’s effort.
Bringing Extra Food
When you’re asked to bring a dish to a dinner party, it’s great to be generous, but bringing too much can be burdensome.
If you bring enough for 30 guests to a party for 15, your host has to deal with leftovers and it might seem like you don’t trust them to provide enough food.
What to Do Instead
Confirm with your host how much of the dish they need. This way, you can avoid any misunderstandings and make sure your contribution fits in perfectly with the meal.
Offering Unsolicited Advice
Offering unsolicited advice to your host (even with the best intentions) can come off as rude and disrespectful.
The host has planned and arranged everything carefully, and your suggestions might undermine their efforts.
What to Do Instead
Appreciate the host’s efforts and enjoy the party as a guest.
If you genuinely have a helpful suggestion, wait for an appropriate moment or for the host to ask for feedback. Until then, focus on being a gracious and appreciative attendee.
“Helping Out”
Everyone has their own way of handling cleanup, so it’s important not to assume your methods will be appreciated.
For instance, you might think you’re helping by putting your plate in the dishwasher, but if your host prefers to rinse or arrange things in a specific way, your efforts might create more work.
What to Do Instead
Before you start tidying up, ask your host how they prefer things to be done.
Whether it’s how they like dishes handled or whether they want you to strip the bed if you’re staying overnight, following their preferences shows respect and consideration for their space and routines.
Bringing a Dish That Needs Real-Time Prep
Bringing a dish that needs to be prepped or cooked at the party can disrupt the host’s plans. Even if you want your guacamole to be super fresh, prepping it on-site might stress your host.
What to Do Instead
Prepare the dish completely beforehand. If it needs to be heated, discuss this with your host in advance so they can plan accordingly.
Bringing Wine
Giving a bottle of wine is a kind gesture, but expecting it to be served right away can be problematic. Your host likely has already planned the wine pairings for the meal.
What to Do Instead
Present your wine in a gift bag to signal that it’s a gift for later (not something to be opened immediately). This way, you avoid any confusion and show respect for the host’s plans.
Bringing Fresh-Cut Flowers
Fresh flowers might seem like a great hostess gift, but they require immediate attention and can be a hassle for a busy host.
They need to be trimmed and arranged, which adds to the host’s workload.
What to Do Instead
Opt for a plant or a bottle of wine instead of fresh-cut flowers. These gifts are thoughtful and won’t add to your host’s to-do list.
Bringing Extra Guests
Dinner parties require meticulous planning, from the number of chairs to the amount of food prepared. Bringing an unannounced guest can disrupt this balance, leading to a shortage of food and seating arrangements.
The host has likely calculated the number of guests and prepared accordingly.
What to Do Instead
If you’re unsure about bringing someone else, always ask your host well in advance.
If you suspect alcohol and fancy meals will be served, it’s courteous to inquire if your partner can join but leave children at home unless explicitly invited. This respect for the host’s preparations ensures everyone has a comfortable and enjoyable evening.
Helping with the Dishes While Drunk
Helping with the dishes might seem helpful, but it can be tricky.
After a few drinks, the chance of breaking something increases, and your host might prefer to handle their delicate items themselves.
What to Do Instead
Wait until your host starts clearing the table. Offer your help then (if you think you can), making sure they’re okay with it. This way, you follow their lead and avoid any mishaps.
Hiding Your Dietary Restrictions
Keeping your dietary restrictions to yourself might seem polite, but it can cause awkwardness if you can’t eat what’s served.
Your host will feel bad if they see you not eating.
What to Do Instead
Let your host know about any dietary restrictions in advance.
This allows them to accommodate you or suggest what you can bring to ensure you have something to enjoy.
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