25 Old-Fashioned Manners That Are No Longer Appreciated Today
Time changes everything, including manners—what older generations once prized as top-notch etiquette now might seem old-fashioned, unwelcome, or even patronizing.
Using Formal Titles
There was a time when addressing someone as “Ma’am” or “Sir” was the epitome of politeness—a sure sign of respect, especially towards those older or in positions of authority.
These days, the practice can seem overly formal or stiff, particularly among younger generations who advocate for more relaxed and equal forms of communication. While older generations may view this shift as baffling, it still reflects a broader move towards informality in social interactions, where first names are only preferred and titles are reserved for formal or professional settings.
Commenting on Someone’s Weight (So They Lose Some!)
Commenting on someone’s weight (often under the guise of concern or as an incentive for them to lose some) used to be a more accepted conversation topic. Nowadays, such comments are largely seen as inappropriate and potentially hurtful.
The understanding that weight is a personal matter—and one that doesn’t necessarily correlate directly with health—has grown. This shift aligns with a broader awareness of body positivity and mental health, advocating for a more sensitive approach to personal topics that respects individual boundaries and promotes self-acceptance.
Calling Instead of Texting
Texting has overtaken calling as the polite norm for a simple reason: it’s less intrusive. The rise of text messaging as the preferred mode of communication is largely due to its convenience and the ability to not disrupt the day of the person you’re contacting.
For those who experience phone anxiety, texting is a welcome alternative that spares them the immediate ‘confrontation’ of a phone call, allowing communication on their own terms.
Men Always Paying on Dates
It was once an unwritten rule that men were expected to foot the bill on dates, seen as a gesture of courtesy and capability.
In modern dating, this practice has evolved towards a preference for splitting bills or taking turns paying (though not all women appreciate this shift).
Visiting Without Warning
Back in the day, the notion of popping over to someone’s house unannounced was seen as a friendly gesture—perfectly normal and often welcomed. It was quite common to have a neighbor or a friend stop by for a quick chat or a surprise visit, simply because they were in the area.
Fast forward to today, and this practice might send some into a mild panic. The spontaneous ‘drop-in’ has lost its charm, replaced by the need to schedule visits in advance, perhaps reflecting our busier lives and the value we now place on privacy.
Slowing Down Communication
There was a time when waiting a few days to hear back from someone was perfectly acceptable. Imagine sending a letter and patiently awaiting a reply, or not seeing a friend for weeks and just catching up the next time you crossed paths.
Today, however, with instant messaging and social media, not getting a reply within a day—or even an hour—can lead to worry or misunderstanding. Digital communication has reshaped our expectations for immediate feedback and constant availability. Everyone’s on their phones almost everywhere (public, work, homes, toilet, etc.)
Feeding Children Without Permission
In the not-so-distant past, it was considered neighborly and kind to offer snacks to the kids in your community. Parents generally didn’t think twice about their children accepting treats from friends or neighbors.
Today, concerns about allergies, dietary restrictions, and general parental consent have transformed this simple act of kindness into a potential minefield. What was once a gesture of goodwill now requires a quick check with parents, making sure that it’s okay to offer anything from a cookie to a piece of fruit.
Commenting on Someone’s Appearance
There was a time when suggesting someone ‘amend’ their appearance—such as their outfit, makeup, or hairstyle—was considered helpful or constructive. Today, unsolicited comments about appearance are generally considered impolite and can be seen as overstepping personal boundaries.
The evolution in this area reflects a cultural move towards embracing individuality and diversity in appearances, coming from an understanding that personal style is an expression of identity and autonomy (not something that should be subject to public approval or critique!)
Answering Every Call
Answering the phone without knowing who was on the other end was the norm. Ignoring a call was considered impolite, as it could have been anyone from a close family member to your boss on the line.
Contrast this with the present, where robocalls and telemarketers have turned many of us into cautious screeners of calls, particularly if the caller ID shows an unknown number or reads ‘private’. The etiquette around answering calls has evolved significantly, reflecting our changing attitudes towards privacy and the increasing intrusion of technology into our personal spaces.
Standing When a Woman Enters the Room
The practice of men standing when a woman enters a room was a hallmark of traditional manners, intended as a sign of respect.
Today, this gesture may be viewed as antiquated or even patronizing. Modern etiquette favors treating everyone with equal respect—irrespective of gender—promoting a more inclusive approach to social manners.
Reading the Newspaper
Flipping through the pages of a newspaper with a morning coffee in hand used to be a daily ritual for many. Today, the physical newspaper has largely been replaced by digital news, always available on smartphones and computers.
This change reflects advancements in technology and marks a shift in how we consume information—faster, more frequent, and often on-the-go.
Offering Unsolicited Help
Offering to help someone with their groceries was once universally seen as a considerate act—a simple way to lighten someone’s load. However, today’s emphasis on independence and personal space means that such offers (though well-intentioned) might be perceived as questioning one’s ability to manage on their own.
The desire to demonstrate self-sufficiency has reshaped our interactions, making it more appropriate to wait for someone to ask for help rather than jumping in uninvited.
Tipping 10% or 15% at Restaurants
In the context of American dining culture, tipping has always been a standard practice. A couple of decades ago, leaving a 15% tip was seen as quite generous. Fast forward to today, and tipping expectations have shifted significantly—anything less than 20% might now be interpreted as dissatisfaction with the service or as an indicator of stinginess.
This change reflects both rising living costs and a greater awareness of the financial challenges faced by service industry workers.
Patting a Kid on the Head
The gesture of patting a child on the head has transformed from a common display of affection to a potentially uncomfortable action.
What was once a widespread and innocent way to connect with a child is now often seen as an invasion of personal space, reflecting changing norms about bodily autonomy and consent (even among children).
Bringing Food to New Neighbors
Gifting homemade food to new neighbors used to be a hallmark of community spirit and a warm welcome. Nowadays, concerns over allergies, dietary preferences, and general caution about accepting food from strangers have cooled this tradition.
The modern hesitancy around homemade food gifts also touches on broader issues of privacy and a shift towards more formal social boundaries.
Asking Personal Questions
Questions about personal subjects like religion, which might have been part of casual conversation decades ago, are now largely considered inappropriate in many social contexts.
This change is driven by a greater respect for personal privacy and the understanding that such topics can be sensitive and divisive.
Writing Thank-You Cards
Once a staple of etiquette, handwritten thank-you notes following a dinner party, interview, or gift were considered the gold standard of graciousness.
Today, while still appreciated, they have largely been replaced by digital communications—quick texts or emails.
Initiating Random Chats
Engaging strangers in conversation was once a common social practice, seen as friendly and open. In contemporary society, however, many people prefer to keep to themselves, especially in public settings like transit or waiting rooms.
This shift reflects a cultural trend towards valuing personal space and privacy over unsolicited social interactions.
Using Terms of Endearment
In some regions, particularly in the Southern United States, it’s still common to hear terms of endearment like “honey” or “sweetie” used in service settings.
Elsewhere, these phrases might come off as overly familiar or even inappropriate, especially when used by strangers, reflecting the diverse ways that social norms and expressions of politeness can vary across different communities.
Boys Carrying Books/Bags for Girls
Historically, it was seen as a chivalrous act for boys to carry books or bags for girls at school, symbolizing a protective or courteous gesture.
In contemporary society, this practice is generally viewed as outdated or even condescending, reflecting an increased emphasis on gender equality and independence among young people.
Disciplining Other People’s Kids
It was once common for adults to feel responsible for all other children, stepping in to discipline someone else’s child if needed.
Today, such actions are likely to be met with resistance or outright disapproval. Parenting styles have become more individualized, and what constitutes appropriate discipline is often viewed as a private matter, best left to the child’s own parents.
Using Formal Dinnerware for Everyday Meals
Using formal dinnerware for everyday meals was once a norm in many households, where meals were occasions to bring out the best plates, silverware, and glasses.
In contemporary homes, this practice is largely reserved for special occasions, as daily dining has adopted a more casual approach with an emphasis on convenience and practicality. It’s a common sight to see kids enjoying a plate of pasta on the couch!
Smoking in Public Spaces
Smoking cigarettes in public spaces (such as restaurants, bars, or airplanes) was not only widely accepted but expected in past decades.
Over time, awareness of health risks associated with secondhand smoke has led to stringent regulations, making public smoking a social faux pas and legally restricted in many areas.
Addressing Married Women Traditionally
Referring to a married woman by her husband’s full name—like “Mrs. William Smith”—was once a sign of respect and social etiquette. This practice has been phased out, viewed now as an outdated norm that reduced a woman’s identity to her marital status.
The change is a nod to feminist ideals, promoting the recognition of women as individuals rather than extensions of their husbands, and it represents a significant cultural shift towards gender equality in language and identity.
Asking Parents Before Visiting a Friend
There was a time when children would routinely ask their parents for permission before heading over to a friend’s house.
Today, with cell phones and a more autonomous youth culture, kids and teens often make plans independently, communicating directly with each other rather than going through parental channels.
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