Dear Grandparents, Please Stop Saying These 14 Common Phrases To Your Grandchildren
Grandparents want the best for their grandchildren, and despite their best efforts, they, like the rest of humans, make mistakes. What seems like harmless fun or encouragement can harm the children and their relationship with their parents. Being a grandparent is an honor and a great responsibility, so to ensure your grandkids are well-equipped for the future, here are some common phrases you should avoid.
“Don’t tell your parents”
This is a common phrase and should reflect a special bond between a child and their grandparent. However, this can lead to dire consequences in today’s world, which is full of predators and ill-intentioned individuals. Children should always be able to confide in their parents, and grandparents can encourage this.
“Give me a hug!”
Let the grandchild come to you. Telling them, “Give me a kiss” or “Give me a hug,” feels pressuring and does not teach a child that their boundaries matter. Instead, try with, “Can I give you a hug?” If the child says “No,” that’s okay. They will change their minds, but pressure can put them in dangerous situations.
“Your sibling can do it. Why can’t you?”
Each child is unique, and comparing them only pitties them against each other and lowers their self-esteem. While one grandchild can excel at math, the other could be great at art, which should be enough. Instead of comparing them, let them thrive on curiosity, encourage them to learn more about the world, and eventually reveal their passions.
“My grandchild would never do that”
If your grandchild is misbehaving, and you respond with a threat, it can hurt them and make them resentful, despite your attempt at teaching them a lesson. Additionally, words like “never” should not be used in front of a child in anger. They might feel the need to hide their next mistake, which can come with severe consequences.
“He pulls your hair because he likes you”
Love shouldn’t hurt, but this and similar statements teach young girls that abuse is an expression of attraction or love. Girls should be encouraged not to put up with any violence, even if it is something as harmless as boys pulling their hair. It might sound silly when a child is 4, but this behavior continues through bullying and can be extremely dangerous.
“Your parents are wrong”
Grandparents are from a different era, and that’s fine, but respecting parents is essential. If you have an issue with a child’s behavior, talk to parents in private. Around children, grandparents should not shame their parents or their parenting skills because that could lead to misbehavior and bitterness.
“You’re so spoiled”
Children’s behavior reflects their parents, so if you think your grandchild is ungrateful, talk to the parents. There is no reason to make a child feel horrible because they aren’t raising themselves. Also, young kids can misbehave in front of others to show off. They might not be spoiled, but they feel they get a pass while you’re around.
“You got so heavy”
Commenting on a child’s weight is never a good idea. It can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food and insecurities that can take a turn for the worse once the child is in their teens. Instead of praising or criticizing physical appearance, try expressing to them what’s inside truly matters.
“You are so clumsy”
Kids are not perfect, and if they break something while playing, it could be an innocent mistake. Before you start calling them names, remember how many times you broke a glass while doing the dishes. Children should know that mistakes are acceptable, and if they do something silly, show them how to do it correctly.
“You’re so sensitive”
Children’s feelings should be validated. If they are upset or emotional, talk to them and let them explain what made them upset. Refrain from putting a lid on their feelings because it can negatively impact their life. Expressing emotions is healthy. Keeping them locked up causes the brain to go into a fight-or-flight state and puts the whole body in distress.
“Are you keeping up with good grades?”
Instead of asking about the grades, focus on your grandchild’s school life. Let them tell you which subjects they like or dislike, and be supportive whenever they express interest. Grades are easier to maintain if a child likes being in school and knows that school is a place for learning and making friends instead of being a scary place where the only thing that matters is getting straight As.
“Who do you love the most?”
Please do not put a child in a spot where they must make an impossible choice. You may be their favorite grandmother, but insisting on confessing will create unnecessary guilt and shame. Children should have a solid support system, and adults should not compete because it sends the wrong message.
“I said so!”
If a grandchild insists on asking questions, they only do what feels natural to them – feeding their curiosity. Their endless questions may be inconvenient in some situations, but shutting them down without explanation is harmful. Explain your rules, what you need from them, and why it matters. Ending a conversation with “because I said so” is not a teaching but a scaring tactic.
“That’s not a toy for a boy”
Put your beliefs aside, and let a child be a child for as long as possible. Small kids do not understand gender roles, and pressuring them into playing with cars when they want a doll is confusing. They only want to play, and if it becomes conditioned, it takes away the fun and everything they can learn from their play.
21 Obvious Signs of People with Low Intelligence
