The Hidden Dangers of Over-Parenting: Why Your Kids Can’t Make Decisions

Over-parenting often comes with the best intentions. However, lines get blurred, and instead of showering your child love while teaching them skills to thrive outside the safety of your home, they might fail to develop resistance and decision-making, among other things. But how can the best intentions come with such adverse outcomes? 

Are children being too coddled? 

Developmental psychologist Amanda Gummer warned Radio 5 listeners that today’s children are over-coddled. Clinical psychologist Judith Locke also spoke about the dangers of over-parenting. Parenting expert Amy McCready alerted parents that if we’re always rescuing children, they will never learn from their mistakes. Yet, over-parenting became the new norm. 

Could over-parenting lead to a mental health crisis?

Gummer noted that the lack of decision-making is part of the mental health crisis among teenagers. Other experts agreed, and David Bjorklund, a Florida Atlantic University College of Science psychology professor, supported this assessment in his research. However, he noted this trend has been growing for the past six decades.

Raising a resilient child 

Virtually all experts agree that so-called helicopter parenting, despite its good intentions, does more harm than good. Children should be allowed to play, make age-appropriate mistakes, and learn to deal with frustration and regulate their emotions without parents hovering over their every move. 

Child’s play

Bjorklund gave an example of allowing children to play with their friends. It gives them a sense of competency and autonomy. The professor explained how playing helps develop social skills, and often, it can involve small risks, like when a child is learning to ride a bicycle. These seemingly small things are what childhood is about, and they help a child understand how the world works. 

Adults should be supervising in silence

Gummer added that parents should not appear to be supervising when kids play. In fact, she believes that children today lack this sense of freedom, and that’s why they struggle to connect to other children, socialize, resolve conflicts, and learn how to assess risks. Children need to learn to fall and get back up, and Locke warned parents that if there are age-appropriate challenges their child can’t do without them, that’s a red flag. 

Parents are overly responsive

Jill Emanuele, VP of clinical training for the Child Mind Institute in NYC, further discussed giving children a sense of independence. However, she noted that parents are less willing to let their children make mistakes, which is crucial for dealing with failure in the future. Locke pointed out that the issue lies with parents overly responsive to a child’s every need, believing that kids must always be happy. 

Helping kids from not developing phobias 

Bjorklund found that parents often help their children develop phobias. He used the example of kids climbing trees and parents banning this activity. While the professor understands the need to assess the risks, he also believes that boosting children’s self-confidence is essential, so parents should moderate them instead of removing all the risks. 

Kids gravitate toward parents 

It is usual for a child to look for a parent if they are faced with an unknown situation. Still, by allowing them to play without supervision, kids are forced to develop essential life skills. When adults are not present, children have to resolve conflicts among themselves, work together, and think. It is a way for a child to gain control over their life. 

Over-parenting is bad for parents 

It is not just the kids suffering. Parents who are over-parenting have higher anxiety, stress, and regret, and that reflects poorly on the child. Children are like sponges, and they absorb parental anxiety, making it their own. Without tools to understand these feelings, kids, already less resilient, are more prone to developing mental health issues.

What caused parents to become overprotective? 

Most parents fear for their children’s mental health, a Pew Research Center found. But another common fear is kidnapping, and Gummer mentioned that since the 80s, this has become an increased worry for parents. That’s how parents developed this need to shield children from everything, But that’s impossible, and there should be an optimal involvement, which is hard to determine. 

Parental involvement is necessary 

The need for balance is evident. Parents need to be involved but not step in to make every situation disappear. Children with warm, loving, and demanding parents tend to succeed, highlighting the importance of parental involvement while discouraging micromanagement.

Small risks, big awards 

Gummer called on British authorities to allow children to play freely with their friends in play areas without adults. If we don’t give our children responsibility, they feel like nothing is ever their fault. However, this does not mean children should be thrown into the wild. It calls for a parenting balance. Remember that you can’t shield them from the world forever, but you can prepare them.