19 Compliments That Sound Nice but Are Actually Offending

Despite our best intentions, sometimes our words can unintentionally sting rather than uplift someone. If you’re genuinely aiming to boost someone’s spirits, there are certain phrases you should avoid and better alternatives that genuinely make them feel good.

“You look good for your age!”

This type of compliment can really sting because it sounds like they look good only in comparison to their age group, not just plain good.

• Try instead: “You look fantastic!” is a clear and sweet compliment without any unnecessary mentions about their age (though aging is natural for everyone!)

“You’re so stunning, how are you still single?”

This backfires in a few ways. First, it highlights their single status, which can be a sensitive topic for many to discuss. Second, implying “beauty” is the only factor in finding a partner can sound shallow.  Skip the comments on their relationship status altogether.  

• Try instead: “You’re absolutely stunning.” If you really think they’re attractive, just say something like that without diving into why they’re still single despite it.

“Wow, you’re pretty smart for someone who didn’t go to college”

This phrase implies your surprise (or even taken aback) by someone’s intellect despite not having a formal education, which may seem insulting to them, especially in an era where you can learn almost anything without a college degree through alternative sources.

• Try instead: “You’re incredibly knowledgeable about that topic! How did you learn so much?” This focuses on their knowledge and expresses genuine curiosity about their path to learning.

“You’re on time”

This might sound like praise for punctuality, but it can backfire.  Laura MacLeod, a licensed social worker and founder of From The Inside Out Project, explains that this phrase only highlights lateness as their usual behavior. It can also come across as a bit patronizing.  

• Try instead: “Great to see you!”

“You look way younger with that new hairstyle!”

We all love a confidence boost, but adding “so much younger” can unintentionally imply their previous style made them look older.  

• Try instead: “Love your new haircut!” No need to overthink it.

“You’ve dropped a lot of weight, you’re don’t look fat anymore!”

Weight is a deeply personal and sensitive topic, and even well-intentioned compliments about someone’s size can be hurtful. It’s best to refrain from making unsolicited comments on appearance, as they’re often unwelcome regardless of a person’s weight.

• Try instead: “You look great” is a more general compliment that focuses on their overall well-being. Keep in mind that if they want to discuss weight loss, they’ll likely bring it up.

“You’re a good driver for a woman”

This kind of compliment, with the unnecessary addition at the end, is a major turn-off. It suggests that good driving skills are surprising for a woman. 

• Try instead: “You’re a great driver!” This is clear, concise, and complimentary without any underlying bias.

“You have incredible strength”

This is meant to be supportive during tough times. But it can actually downplay their struggles. They might be feeling overwhelmed, and “strong” isn’t necessarily how they feel.

• Try instead: “That situation sounds incredibly difficult. I’m here for you, whatever you need. Do you want to talk about it, or would you prefer some company doing something distracting?”  This validates their feelings and offers different ways to help, letting them choose what they need most.

“You absolutely rocked that project on your own, great job!”

This might seem like praise for someone’s hard work, but it can have a hidden sting. It could imply they’re not a team player, or that working alone was unexpected.  Jason Sackett, an expert on workplace culture, points out that some cultures value group achievements more than individual ones.

• Try instead: “That project turned out amazing! Thank you for all your hard work on it.” This acknowledges their effort without making assumptions about teamwork or their preferred work style.

“Fantastic work on that A! You’re really smart!”

Focusing solely on grades or test scores can put pressure on kids and make them feel their worth is based on achievement.  Celebrating their effort and good habits is much more encouraging.

• Try instead: “I saw how hard you studied for that test, great work!” or “That was a tough assignment, but you tackled it head-on. I’m proud of you for not giving up!”

“You’re pretty athletic for someone your size”

It’s like being amazed by someone’s basketball skills despite their short stature, or admiring someone’s ballet prowess even if they don’t fit the typical ballet physique. Best to stay away from this “compliment.”

• Try instead: “That was an impressive move! You seem really coordinated.”  This highlights their specific skill without mentioning their size.  If their size is relevant to the activity (e.g., rock climbing), you could instead say: “That looks challenging!  You must have a lot of upper body strength.”  

“Honey, I’m so proud of you for getting a raise!”

While a raise is a great achievement, focusing solely on professional success might downplay the effort your partner puts into the relationship. It’s better to acknowledge their hard work and also show you value them as a whole. 

• Try instead: “That promotion sounds like a lot of responsibility! I’m so happy for you, and I can’t wait to hear all about it over dinner.”  This acknowledges their achievement while also expressing your personal excitement for them.

“You’re smart for someone so pretty”

This compliment reinforces the outdated idea that beauty and intelligence are somehow on opposite ends of the spectrum, suggesting someone can’t be blessed with both. The “for someone pretty” part overshadows the actual compliment,  implying their intelligence is surprising or secondary to their looks.

• Try instead:  “That was a really insightful point you made! I hadn’t thought of it that way.” This focuses on their ideas and shows you’re genuinely engaged in the conversation.

“Wow, your girlfriend is seriously gorgeous, man!”

This “compliment” can backfire in a big way, as it tends to objectify their partner and creates an awkward comparison. Instead, it’s better to focus on their relationship. 

• Try instead: “You two seem to have a great connection! How long have you been together?” This shows genuine interest in them as a couple.

“You look so pretty with makeup!”

While it’s okay to compliment someone’s makeup, phrasing it this way can be hurtful as it suggests they’re not attractive without it.

• Try instead: “That shade of lipstick looks fantastic on you!” This compliments a specific choice without putting down their natural beauty.

“You look so pretty without makeup!”

Although it might seem like a compliment to say this, it can actually be a hurtful phrase to hear. People often assume others appreciate feeling naturally beautiful. However, this comment can unintentionally suggest thattheir makeup skills are lacking or that their efforts to apply makeup are wasted. 

• Try instead: “I love your natural look as much as I love your makeup look!”

“Your face is so pretty, you should definitely smile more”

Asking someone to smile more just because they have a pretty face can come off as insensitive. You never know what someone might be going through. This phrase assumes they should match your mood and ignores their own feelings.

• Try instead: “I love your smile, it’s one of the best I’ve seen” is a better option because it compliments them without pressuring them to smile.”

“Having so many kids, you must be a saint!”

While this comment might sound like praise for their family, it could also imply their large family is a burden. PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Houston-Downtown, suggests avoiding judgments disguised as compliments.  

• Try instead: “Your family seems really close!” is a more neutral option. It acknowledges their family life without making assumptions or seeming judgemental.

“I’m really impressed by how well you’re managing the kids!”

This might sound like praise for parenting skills, but it can backfire. Imagine your partner is constantly dealing with the kids, and you say this to them. It could unintentionally imply they don’t normally handle things well, or that you’re surprised they’re managing at all.

• Try instead: “Wow, you’ve got your hands full today! How about I take [child’s name] for a bit so you can relax?” This acknowledges their effort and offers help, reminding them you’re a team.

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