19 Reasons Many Boomers Aren’t Assisting Their Children With Childcare

Some Millennial parents complained that their parents were not helping with childcare. However, there are many reasons why some boomers do not assist their children when it comes to raising grandchildren. Some may be related to their physical help, while others are about the differences in lifestyle. Here are the main reasons boomers are less keen to help with their grandchildren than previous generations.

Overstepping boundaries

Millennials and boomers have different parenting styles, which is not unheard of. But this leaves grandparents in a tough spot. Their communication with their grandchild could lead to miscommunication and overstepping boundaries, and to avoid straying relationships, it is easier to leave parenting to parents. 

Reinventing themselves 

Many boomers lived their lives with somewhat rigid rules, so once the children leave their nests and are ready to retire, it could be a good place for them to reinvent themselves and discover the next chapter of their lives. Some will want to travel, others want to develop their artistic preferences, and third will desire to spend more time with friends. 

Modern vs. traditional parenting 

Younger generations follow specific trends and explore various parenting styles, which is admirable, but they should not expect their parents to do the same. People tend to follow what they’ve learned at a certain age and do not care about the latest research or parenting hacks. 

The distance 

Many children leave their hometowns for education and never come back. They build their lives across the country, leaving their parents behind, so it is nearly impossible for grandparents to care for grandkids. They can visit each other, but the age of multigenerational families in one household is almost gone, and the roles of grandparents evolved with that. 

Choosing retirement communities 

Many boomers choose retirement communities instead of living with their children because it allows them to do what they want with people of similar ages. They know their time is running up, so instead of changing diapers, they prefer playing bingo or strolling through scenic views. 

Some boomers believe their kids have better lives 

Some grandparents think that their children have better childcare and overall lifestyle options. They have better cars, nannies, and mommy groups, which, according to Fortune, is true for middle-class Millennials. The study found that they gained more wealth than boomers at the same age. 

Age issue 

Many boomers became grandparents much later in life compared to previous generations. That’s why they do not have the same energy to run around with toddlers or listen to them throw temper tantrums. Those who are below 65 are likely to have their careers. 

Making their rules 

Some boomer grandparents do not want to play nannies, so they opt to be there for their grandchildren’s games, plays, or as emotional support. It is understandable since they likely saw how their parents struggled, and they do not want to repeat their mistakes, which is something Millenials should understand. 

Family dynamics 

For divorced boomers, who are already part of blended families, it could be challenging to be in their grandchildren’s lives as much as they want because they want to balance their “new” and “old” families. This often leaves them feeling as if they’re not doing enough because others make them feel as if they have to choose between families, which is unfair, considering the high percentage of divorces nowadays.

Family dynamics inside the kids’ families 

Boomers also encounter confusing moments when their children are part of blended families. This means they have biological grandchildren and stepgrandchildren. Navigating these family dynamics can be emotionally tricky. Thus, being an observer is easier than committing to childcare. 

Self-care as a priority 

Boomers were not invested in self-care when they were younger, but they learned to prioritize it, thanks to their children. Grandparents often take on smaller responsibilities to balance what’s good for their soul while maintaining healthy relationships with their children and grandchildren. 

Unsolicited advice

Boomers are not the silent generation like many of their parents. They tend to speak up their minds, whether their children like it or not. Therefore, they will offer unsolicited advice, and it can backfire because one thing Millenials do not want is someone telling them what to do. It is a clash of generations that many boomers want to avoid in the name of their peace. 

Chronic conditions

Osteoporosis, arthritis, high blood pressure, or any chronic condition can hinder grandparents’ involvement. It is not that their energy levels are down, but sometimes, boomers’ bodies do not allow them to be as present as they want to be. It is better to keep themselves and their grandchildren safe by not trying to play off their conditions as non-threatening. 

Speaking different languages 

Boomers know what organic food is but do not have to approve it. Many things separate boomers from their children, and it can reflect poorly on their relationship if taking care of the grandkids gets involved. Some boomers are tired of hearing that their ways are wrong, so they want to distance themselves as much as possible to avoid feeling worthless. 

Personal choice

Not all grandparents want to be free-of-charge nannies, and that’s their right. It may sound strange, but they have their priorities, and it does not include babysitting. It is a choice, and their children should respect it. Having a good relationship with your grandchildren is possible without being involved in their everyday lives.

Some boomers are still in the workforce

Not all boomers retire at 65. Some are forced, while others choose to continue working. A Fortune poll found that 35% of Millennials in the US rely on their parents to help pay their bills. That’s why some grandparents cannot be present psychically, though they are doing their share to help with grandchildren. 

Many boomers do not see their kids as adults

Another common issue is that many boomers do not see their adult children as actual adults. Perhaps they worked too hard, so they missed parts of their children growing up, or it could be that they acted more maturely than their kids. Regardless, this can be an issue when it comes to parental authority. 

Grandparents do not feel included

Some boomer grandparents do not want to babysit because they feel excluded from other fun activities, like vacations. It creates resentment, so if a parent wants help, they should work on including grandparents outside the babysitting duties and showing them more respect. 

Boomers do not want to be compared to other grandparents 

Many young parents can be careless with their words, so they could comment on how their spouse’s parents are more involved in their children’s lives. It is never good to compare people, especially in fragile family relations. To avoid misunderstandings, show respect to each grandparent, but don’t pitty them against each other. 

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